*) - Harish aur Comics
(# 14 - Harish Atharv Thakur)
comic ki duniya se mera parichay bahut chhoti umr me hi ho gya tha...nani ji k purane sandook me ek din mujhe kuch purani kitabein mili jo ki kinhi premchand dwara likhi gyi thi... Unki bhasha uss samay mere liye kathin thi... Pur tbhi meri najar kitabo k ek bandal pur gayi aur maine use sandook se bahar nikal liya... Baad me pta chala k wo ek hi patra h jo ki mummy ko bahut pasnd h aur wo hi unhe padhte hain... Maine puchha to unhone uss patr se mera parichay karaya... Jante hain wo koun tha ... BETAL
Dheere dheere maine betal ko smjhna shuru kiya... Use padhna ek alag anubhav tha uski sadgi use baki patro se alag krti thi... Uske sare myth sirf kuch logon k liye hote they... To betal mera pahla nayak tha jise padhna mujhe aaj tk pasnd h... Isi tarah me in patro k sath hi bada hone laga... Yahi mere subse achhe aur sachhe dost they.. Jo b seekha inse hi seekha... Ek baar aisa hua k mere 8th class ka half yearly exam chal rhe they aur me razai k andar chhup kar dhruv ki koi comic torch ki roshni me padh rha th comic ka naam yaad nhi aa rha h pur is comic me dhruv ne vilain ko doodh k pasturaisation ki theory ki help se haraya tha... Maine wo story finish ki aur so gya.. Agle din exam hall me ek question tha "explain the pasturaisation of milk" aur maine jo kuch b comic me padha tha waisa hi kuch changes k sath likh diya... Kuch samay k baax jub subko copies mili me bahut kush tha k mujhe pure number mile the uss answer k liye... To iss tarah mera safar shuru hua jo aaj tak jaari h aur hmesha chalta rahega...
Rating - 18/100
Judge's Comment - Liked your experience but hard work needed.
*) - Excerpt From My Story Summer's Twist
(# 51 - Rishi Srivastava)
*Because of the word limit I am editing my story which is about 3700 words but still it is 2500+ words (and I am taking a risk to lose 25 penalty points for excess).
“ Good Morning ! Sir , I am David Brown from Kollam Police” , he said . “ Good Morning ! Officer . How can I help you ?”
He turned towards the street and signaled towards the boy lying on the pavement , “ Do you know who he is and why is he lying down here ?”
Mr. Kakkar, “ First let me see his face , but I don’t know how he came here .”
He went near to the boy. He was very poor guy and was around twelve to fourteen years of age. Mr. Kakkar had never seen him before and said, “No officer , I don’t know him .”
The boy waked up and asked for water. Mr. Kakkar’s wife who was standing at the door immediately went inside to take a glass of water. Till the time , the officer asked the poor boy about his condition and how he came here . The police took the boy to the police station for some further formalities or procedures to be followed.
Well ! No doubt , about the fact that the boy looked very noble and innocent and his poor condition would make anyone sympathetic. Mr. Kakkar came inside and shut the door . The wife asked looking outside from the window, “ Has he gone ? Did the police took him along with them ? Who was he and what was his name ? “. He was a Christian by religion and was not well and does not remember his parents as Mr. David Brown told me.”
The famous lawyer sat on the sofa and had his breakfast . As soon as he finished the breakfast, the door bell rang thrice.
My wife screamed , “ Is it the police once again ? I want to see that boy .” and immediately opened the door .
“Oh ! Mr. Ravi . Come . I thought ………….”, wife said .
“ What ??” , Mr. Ravi said .
“Nothing”, Mr. Kakkar said.
It was my secretary, a learning lawyer Mr. Ravi Rai.
“ Would you like to have a cup of coffee Ravi?”
“ I would like to have a cup of tea , Sir” , he replied.
We both saw each other and laughed. He was an outspoken guy and had a good sense of humor.
“Just go through the documents of Mr. Ghosh case, Ravi …..” , Mr. Kakkar said while combing his hair.
“Yes Sir”, he replied.
“So lets just move in the car, driver is waiting.”
“Sir, its already 10:00 and then you will say – Hurry up, Hurry up. Should I make the car fly.”, said Sarvesh – Mr. Kakkar’s new driver.
“Ok. Please start the car”, said the famous lawyer.
“Sir you are very unfortunate in terms of a driver. I guess this is the third driver you have changed since last six months”, said Mr. Ravi in a low tone.
“ Yes ! What can I do.”
“ I really miss Shambhu, my driver around ten years ago.”
“He was the one who took care of me and actually he was not just a driver for me. He was more than that.”
“Ok ….”, Mr. Ravi said.
“We also treated him like a part of our family at least for a certain period…”
“Certain period……????”, asked Mr.Ravi.
“So why did he left or what happened”, asked Mr. Ravi
“He died due to a chemical or something which at that time was used to be traded through fish markets illegally.”
“What chemical ……. And why through fish markets…… Can also be traded through other markets……”, Mr. Ravi asked in his own comic tone.
“Don’t know much about it.”, Mr. Kakkar replied.
“If you are done with your chat then please unload yourselves as the court is here”, said Sarvesh.
“Ok. So get these papers stamped and bring it to me in the court room.”, Senior requested junior.
“Yes. Sir in the room of court…….”
The wife was very sympathetic to the boy and thought of him the whole day.
Actually Mr. & Mrs. Kakkar had no children of their own. So being a woman Mrs. Kakkar has always been very loving to children.
The day was very hectic in the court today. Both Mr. Kakkar & Mr. Ravi were leaving the court office.
“Would you please see where has the driver parked the car and get the car here”, asked Senior to Junior.
“Oh ! Hello Mr. Kakkar. How has been your day”, asked Mr. David Brown.
“Nice ! and how you have been here.”, asked Mr. Kakkar.
“Due to same boy who was lying there in front of your house. Some legal formalities had to be done.” replied Mr. Brown.
“So what has been the scenario with the small boy?”
“Well he is poor guy, does not remember his parents and has no identity proof. Wanders from here and there. Works on a daily basis anywhere to earn his living. Has also worked as home servant in two-three houses in Kollam.”, said Mr. Brown
“I don’t have spare time as need to get home early so please get in the car Sir”, said Sarvesh.
“Come in Sir……….. I guess that was Mr. David Brown who was enquiring Mr. Ghosh’s case primarily.”, asked Mr. Ravi.
“I would take a short holiday break after Mr. Ghosh’s case is over”, Mr. Kakkar said while wiping his forehead.
“You go to holidays as well…… By the way where do you prefer your short holidays….” Mr. Ravi in his comic tone again.
“Me and Sunita have been to a lot of holidays…… short & long…… in India and overseas…… unplanned weekends……. Long drives – specially to our farm house near Varkala beach”, replied Mr. Kakkar.
“Great !”, Mr. Ravi said.
“Only Great ! ……. Mr. Ravi ……… ha ha …”, Mr. Kakkar teased Mr. Ravi.
“The keys Sir…”, said Sarvesh handling me the Car key.
“Try to come half-an-hour early tomorrow morning”, Mr. Kakkar asked the driver.
“I will try as it depends on my daughter coz I feed her in the morning so as soon as she finishes her breakfast I will be here”, said Sarvesh.
Wife was not in a very good mood. She looked a bit depressed but still asked, “Would you like to have tea or would freshen up first.”
“I would kiss my wife first………”, “……Come. Sit here. I will make tea”, Mr. Kakkar said.
The couple had a light moment with a short conversation after the tiring day.
“I need to go to the market today evening. So I will leave the keys at Mrs. Rastogi’s house.”, said the wife.
The bell rang thrice. Yes it was Mr. Ravi.
“Wow ! This blazer suits you so much…. Actually its really nice.”, said Mr. Ravi.
“Really ! Mr. Ravi you know I wear this very rare and it is at least ten-twelve years old.”, replied Mr. Kakkar.
“Bye ! Honey …. Take care. Don’t get bored”
“Bye ! Have a good day”, wife replied.
“So from where did you get this blazer Sir”, Mr. Ravi asked.
“Well ! this was a gift from my driver’s (Shambhu) wife. She used to knit clothes and she was pretty good at it…….”
“….. Every year she used to knit something or the other for me or Sunita and this blazer was one of her masterpiece”, Mr. Kakkar replied.
“Ohh! It does not looks as if it is hand made…… Really Nice!”
“….. So now she does not knit for you both.” asked Mr. Ravi.
“No not now. After Shambhu’s death she with her children went somewhere without intimating us. We visited her in her village where Shambhu’s joint family lived. It was a small village in between the route to our farmhouse in Varkala beach.”, I replied.
“Ohh ! sad ….. By the way Sir. I am also planning to go for a holiday with my wife after this case gets over….”, said Mr. Ravi.
“Holiday…..?? You just returned from your honey-moon two months back……”,
The case of Mr. Ghosh was annoying Mr. Vijay Kakkar, the best lawyer in town because a lot of negative was being heard and said of Mr. Ghosh.
The case was regarding the excessive income of Mr. Ghosh without a proper income resource on papers. He had a business of fish trading and selling in Kollam and near by area.
Mr. Kakkar was always looking for a hint of clue against Mr. Ghosh but was not succeeding in it.
Again the day was poor and not much happened in favor of the Police and Mr. Kakkar.
“Sir I will leave from here only to my house because I need to drop my parents to the railway station else they would miss the train”, said Mr. Ravi.
“Fine. See you tomorrow.”, Mr. Kakkar replied.
“ Thanks ! Sarvesh ….”
“Its my pleasure Sir ……”, replied Sarvesh while handling the keys to Mr. Kakkar.
Mr. Kakkar was astonished as to what happened to his driver.
“Sir, is it possible if I can get the advance salary this month…..”,
“Ohh ! this is what the reason of his humbleness is”, Mr. Kakkar thought in his mind.
“….. I need to pay the fee for my daughter’s singing workshop. She sings well in such a small age.”, Sarvesh replied.
“Sure. Take it.”
“Thanks Sir. Mam is waiting for you.”
“How come you are here. Did’nt visit the market you planned for.”, Mr. Kakkar asked the wife.
“I came early just buying the necessary things for today…….”, she replied.
“ …….Come honey…. Give me your bag. I will keep it.”
“You look much better today. Stay like this only.”, Mr. Kakkar said.
“You just change your clothes and I will make a hot coffee for you.”, the wife said.
“What is the matter dear. You are not able to hide your happiness. Its showing on your face.”, asked the relaxed husband after seeing her wife recharged back.
“Yeah ! you know I went to the market. I was buying some vegetables and there I saw that poor boy…..”
“That boy on the street that morning.”, asked Mr. Kakkar.
“Yes. His name is Sunny. He recognized me in a moment. You know he was working for a vegetable vendor in the market….. ”
“….. I asked him where he takes shelter in the night so he told me that in the market itself.” she replied with a grace on her face.
“Hmmm.. Ok ! ”
“Promise me that you would not get angry …. I need to tell you something more”, she asked in a low voice.
“Ya …..! Please go ahead Sunita.”
“…aaa mmmm I have asked Sunny to come to our house tomorrow for supper…… Initially he was hesitating but finally he agreed to come and said he would like to help us in our house work.”
“Its good. Why would I get angry after all you are happy.”, replied Mr. Kakkar.
“I would come home early tomorrow.”
“ Thank You ! so much Vijay…….”
Mr. Kakkar was busy and tensed with his work but still had the heart to indulge in such activities which made her childless wife happy.
“ Trrrrrring ! Trrrrrrring! Trrrrrrrring !”
“Mr. Ravi your boss has gone to Mr. David Brown’s house…… you may directly meet him in the court. He called you in the morning.”, shouted Mrs. Kakkar from inside without opening the door.
“Ya ! Ya ! fine… my telephone is not working.”, replied Mr. Ravi.
The whole day Mrs. Kakkar was busy cleaning her house and preparing for the supper and Mr. Kakkar was trying hard to finish his work as the hearing of the case was just after two days.
While returning from the court a tired and pissed off Mr. Kakkar would have never thought that tomorrow would be the day when he is going to get the very awaited clue in his case.
“Sir you just go inside. I will park the car and give you the keys inside itself.”, said Sarvesh.
The house was smelling like a rose garden.
“Sunita ! what you have done…… its looking so nice. The aura of the house is just so amazing.”
“Come honey. This is Sunny….”, she introduced the boy to Mr. Kakkar.
“Hello ! Uncle….”, said the young boy gracefully.
“Hello ! Son….”, said Mr. Kakkar.
“…. I will just change and come.”
“I will bring you some milkshake Sunny….”, said Mrs. Kakkar.
“You just called him son…”, asked cheered up Mrs. Kakkar.
“Ya ….. so wat”
“So is everything sorted out with the police now…. Ahhhh Sunny ! right”, asked Mr. Kakkar.
“No Sir… Some formalities are left. But that police officer has helped me to get an identification card.”, he replied.
“So you do not remember your parents. If you want we can give our names for your custody.”, asked Mr. Kakkar.
“Sir, actually I remember my mother’s name and I would like to take her name.”, replied Sunny.
“So where is she now….. why are you wandering here and there?”, asked Mrs. Kakkar angrily as a gesture towards Sunny’s mother.
“Aunty….. she is dead…. Its been four years now.”, the poor boy replied.
“Ohh !..... son I am really sorry….”
“Please take some more sandwiches Son…”
“No. its enough now… If you can just pack a few, I will have my breakfast for tomorrow.”
“Why ! you said you would help us in our house work. So stay here only.”
The conversation continued and the boy was made to stay at the couple’s house.
Mr. Kakkar was so humble and caring for the boy and welcomed his stay and made her wife more happy. It was like an energizing sign and a tool for living her rest of her life.
“Trrrrrrring ! Trrrrrrrring ! Trrrrrrrrring!”
“Come. Mr. Ravi ……. Lets have a discussion”, said Mr. Kakkar.
Both Mr. Kakkar and Mr. Ravi were having a discussion on Mr. Ghosh’s case.
Sunny was helping Mrs. Kakkar in daily house stuff. He listened few stuff and interrupted.
“Uncle, can I speak something …….”, said Sunny.
“Yes Sunny……. What happened ??...... ”, asked Mr. Kakkar.
“…..First say Hello to Mr. Ravi….. he works with me in the court..”
“Hello ! Sir ….”, said Sunny.
“Hello ! ….. Sunnnyyy …. Deol……? ”, said Mr. Ravi.
Sunny laughed and the environment became more friendly for him. Mrs. Kakkar also joined the cheer.
“So tell me what you were saying ???”, asked Mr. Kakkar.
“Uncle you just said that there is a fish trader whose name is Savan Ghosh….”
“Yes ….. so … how do you know him”, asked Mr. Kakkar.
Till the conversation finished, Mr. Kakkar got his clue and his case suddenly looked very convincing.
The day when Sunny was found lying in front of Mr Kakkar’s house, he had escaped from Mr. Ghosh’s house. When he came to Kollam from a nearby village he wandered from one shop to any other vendor to earn his daily living.
Finally he landed up in Mr. Ghosh’s house. He used to wash their car, bring stuff from the market and look after their beautiful garden. Gradually he came to know about Mr. Ghosh’s real activities behind his fish trading business.
Mr. Ghosh used to smuggle banned drugs in the country through fishes and in this process the used fishes were again supplied back to the market which were infected with the banned drugs and many a times caused death.
When Sunny blasted his anger in front of Mr. Ghosh regarding the same he was beaten up and threatened if he ever talked about it. So he planned to escape.
Rating - 59/100
(Word Limit Penalty 5x6 = 30 Points)
Final Rating - 29/100
Judge's Comment - Well written, eager to know what happened but try more of a variety in your word choice.
Judge - Kshitish Padhy (Author, Novelist)
Result - Rishi Srivastava wins the Match and moves to final 32. Harish Atharv Yadav goes to Parallel League.